- Liz Millican
- 1 day ago
- 11 min read
In the beginning, God created Adam and Eve and placed them in the Garden of Eden. They walked with God in perfect fellowship, without shame, guilt, or fear. But when they sinned by eating the fruit of the tree that God commanded them not to eat, their eyes were opened, and they felt shame. For the first time, they hid from God. This shows us how difficult it is for us, as human beings, to admit our sins. Shame makes us want to cover up, hide, or blame others, just as Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent.
It is part of human nature to avoid uncomfortable emotions. In my clinical work I see this constantly from clients who have no tolerance to deal with anything uncomfortable. Adam and Eve didn’t have the emotional tolerance to admit they made a mistake. They needed God to teach them how things could be made right. It’s in our nature to doubt God and think we know a better way. The Bible is a painful reminder that we are not the way, but Jesus is the one who shows the way. The Bible is filled with pain and how God redeems and heals pain.
Pain can be caused by what others do to us or through our own choices. Is it more painful to think about harm caused to you or harm you caused to others? People are more likely to focus on the pain caused by others than to admit pain they’ve caused to someone. We can’t control the actions of others. It’s much more powerful to focus on how we can change our own behaviour. Causing pain to someone else can also hurt us.
Think about your life, is it too painful to admit that you’ve caused pain to others? When you think about times of pain in your life, can you admit that you could have done things better or is it too painful to consider your own imperfection? Is it easier to think about what others do wrong?The Bible tells us in Revelation 12:10 that Satan is "the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night." Satan loves to keep us bound in guilt and shame, constantly reminding us of our failures and whispering that we are unworthy of God’s love. Satan likes to keep us bound in our pain. If it’s too painful to touch then we won’t turn to God to allow him to heal it.
This creates a further problem. When a wound isn’t healed it becomes infected. From an emotional standpoint that looks like anger, bitterness, hatred, and contempt. These types of injuries can be so common and accepted that we forget they are a sign of a problem. What problems do you avoid?
There are many ways we avoid pain. Some turn to drugs and alcohol. Some turn to religious adherence. Some define themselves as a righteous victim to justify their behaviour. Some let their anger explode at others. Some target their anger at themselves and engage in self-harming behaviours. The more people rely on coping strategies instead of dealing with the root issue the more the pain increases. Things can be so painful that the person may not even tolerate mention of it.
What areas of your life have become too painful to allow God to touch it?
UNDERSTANDING WHY WE FEEL GUILT
All of our emotions serve a purpose. When we understand what function our emotions are trying to serve then we can resolve our emotions. Intuitively we tend to respond to our emotions in a way that continues the emotion. We feel insecure, then we seek reassurance instead of building confidence and competence. We feel shame we hide instead of bringing things to light. We feel anger then we lash out instead of calming down and considering other perspectives. We feel guilt, and we justify instead of admitting we did wrong. We cannot resolve guilt and shame if we are unable to admit when we have done something wrong.
Resolving guilt is easier when you understand the 3 types of guilt: godly, satanic, and false. Godly guilt comes from breaking God’s laws. God has high standards. James 2:10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.
True guilt is good because it means that God is still talking to you.
True guilt is given from God and is communicated to us by our spirit not our mind.
True guilt is given for the purpose of getting us to change our direction.
Rom 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Christianity gets it’s power from Jesus’ perfection that shines through our weaknesses.
Hebrews 4:15 ("For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin") and 1 Peter 2:22 ("He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth")
This means we all struggle with the human condition of imperfection. The desire to be perfect causes a number of mental health problems and increases stress and anxiety.
People often struggle with what can be referred to in therapy as cognitive distortions, which means distorted thoughts. Labeling is a fairly common type of distorted thinking. Labeling says I’m a sinner, a failure and this means I’m no good. It creates the shame of Adam and Eve and says you have an unsolvable problem.
When you write out your definition for labels and look at human behaviour it’s clear that we all struggle with sin, even if we struggle with different types of sin. Sin damages us like a cancer that starts invisible and grows if it’s untreated.
The Bible repeatedly tells us stories of people who commit a sin and then hide from it. One sin promotes another sin. Read the story of David and you can see the discomfort caused by sin and how one person’s sin encourages another to justify their own sin. Sin causes pain. The only cure to sin is turning to God and admitting you need his help.
The spiritual consequence of sin is separation from God and causes death. There are a variety of consequences from a physical and relationship standpoint. STD’s from multiple sex partners. Living in isolation due to holding onto anger and bitterness. Some sins appear to have short term benefits. Jesus called out the tax collectors for cheating people and repentance included paying back what had been cheated from people. Doing the right thing isn’t easy, and it’s harder if you’ve done the wrong thing for a long time.
Rom 7
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
We are only able to be free from sin when we fully surrender to God. Satan also keeps us bound by telling us we don’t need to give something to God.
What areas of your life do you tell yourself you don’t need to surrender to God?
Satanic guilt (Rev 12:10)
is when we feel bad because of the accusations Satan makes against us. Satan often uses past sin after it has been confessed and repented to try to pull people away from God. You don’t need to pay attention to Satanic guilt. You can respond to this type of guilt by reminding yourself of when you brought your sin to God and what you did to heal relationships that were damaged by your sin. When you ignore unhelpful thoughts and emotions they fade over time. But if you ignore the Holy Spirit’s efforts to convict you of your sin then you will stop hearing from God.
False guilt is when we feel guilty for things we should not feel guilty for. In therapy this often comes up in should statements. It has more to do with social obligations of behaving a certain way. I should be on time. And if I’m not on time, then emotionally I treat it as a sin and label myself as bad. If you find you can’t ignore these thoughts then reframing them can help resolve the emotion. Instead of saying I should, have to, or must do something it feels differently when it’s phrased as “I want to be on time.” I want to, I choose to, I prefer or value doing things a specific way. This creates flexibility to be imperfect in our effort to attain our own expectations.
PAIN INCREASES WHEN WE IGNORE EMOTIONS
If we don’t resolve our emotions, they tend to grow. More vulnerable emotions hide themselves by combing with other emotions that a person is more willing to admit to.
Sorrow is Mental suffering caused by loss or disappointment This can be a loss of a friendship, job, money, health, facing our death or the death of a loved one. Expectations not being fulfilled can also cause sorrow.
Grief is Emotional suffering. Grief can have many different feelings. Sorting out our different feelings can help us deal with sorrow and grief. Common feelings include rejection, loneliness, shame, guilt, anger, inadequacy, and many more.
Feelings of anger try to protect us. We feel angry when our expectations aren’t met. We feel angry when we’re violated or our needs are unmet. Anger can drive us towards righteousness, or it can cause us to be protective and drive others away. It’s easier to become angry or defensive when accused of wrongdoing rather to consider and reflect on injury we may have caused.
Is it too painful to consider your mistakes? Wrongdoing? Injury to others?
STARTING SMALL
How can we heal from all this emotional pain? When we turn to God the Holy Spirit is gentle in how it heals. You may find it painful to think of your own sin because if you’re honest with yourself you may have a long list of regrets or failures.
Perhaps you resonate with the worse of sinners. In 1 Timothy 1:15-16 Paul writes: “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.”
Jesus often came face to face with the sin of others. In Luke 7 39 When the Pharisee who had invited [Jesus] saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
The pharisee looked down on the woman for her sin. Jesus saw her desire to be forgiven.
40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
If we don’t confess and repent of our sin then we don’t know the joy and love that comes from forgiveness. You may struggle with the standards as written out in the Bible. You may want to argue with God about what you think he did wrong. I think everyone does this to some extent.
There are people in the world who claim to be liberated from shame and living outside of the rules of the Bible. They call evil good and good evil. What the Bible teaches isn’t intended to be used legalistically. It’s intended to help us understand what behaviour generates lifegiving relationships and what behaviour destroys relationships. There are three types of relationships that can be impacted: relationship with God, relationships with others, and relationship with yourself.
Eph 4 tells us to focus on a godly standard.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Paul has pointed to himself as an example. When you think about your life, who are the role models for healthy relationships? For apologizing? For having high standards? Perhaps you have a hard time thinking of anyone. Sometimes not having a healthy example of how to live causes us to struggle in a number of ways that are common in the world.
We need to recognize the difference between good healthy fruit and poison.
Gal 5
19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. 26 Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.
The fruits of the spirit help us challenge our perception of our own work. Are we really producing good fruit? Or do we cause those around us to be angry and engage in conflict? Are we allowing the spirit to transform us or are we conforming to what the world says is right? The Bible describes a relationship with Jesus as transformative. How is the Holy Spirit transforming you?
We live in a world and face spiritual challenges. Satan’s purpose, as Jesus said in John 10:10, is to "steal, kill, and destroy." He wants to steal our joy, kill our hope, and destroy our faith. He creates conflict in families and challenges our identity. Satan would rather have you cling to sin rather than cling to forgiveness.But thanks be to God, that is not the end of the story. Jesus came to give us life, and life abundantly. The way to be free from sin and shame is not to hide it, but to bring it into the light. Scripture teaches us to confess and repent.What does it mean to confess? To confess means to agree with God about our sin—to name it honestly before Him, without excuses or blame. Confession is an act of humility that acknowledges, "Lord, I have sinned against You." What would it take for you to admit you’re not perfect? Is it easy or hard for you? Does the idea of admitting you’ve sinned make you feel under attack?What does it mean to repent? Repentance is more than saying we are sorry. Repentance is a turning of the heart and the will. It is turning away from sin and turning toward God. It is walking in a new direction, empowered by the Spirit of God, who enables us to live in righteousness.When we confess and repent, Satan’s accusations lose their power. The blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin, and God’s forgiveness sets us free. We no longer need to hide in shame like Adam and Eve. Instead, we can walk in the light, clothed in the righteousness of Christ.
Our emotions are most helpful to us when they drive us towards God and understanding why he laid out the rules he did. When we understand the principles behind the teachings we can get better results. What results are you getting? What fruit are you bearing in your life?So, let us not listen to the voice of the accuser, but to the voice of our Savior who calls us to life. For while Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, Jesus comes to give life, and life abundantly. Let us confess, repent, and receive the life that only He can give.
I invite you to a silent time of reflection. What is the Holy Spirit telling you to address? Do you have the courage to commit to change? Do you need accountability to change your behaviour? Do you need to confess your sin to someone else? What are you avoiding? Do you trust God to heal your pain?